… but the truth is, that’s really not the case.

In reality, you only need a dose of “Inevitability Thinking” and lessons in “Hot State Management”, which is where the whole Breakthrough to Success concept
comes from.

Remember, a plan based 100% on willpower is 100% doomed to fail.

Willpower is REACTIVE.

Hot State Management is PROACTIVE

When you’re in a reactive state of mind, you feel victimized and out of control.

Don’t do that to yourself.

There’s a much better way…

Have you ever been told that “you’re not a MAN unless you can do [insert desired goal here] or in order to be successful you must do [insert desired goal here] ?

How fair is that?

Did you know that most magazines and websites only serve to BEAT YOU DOWN and make you feel bad about yourself?

Think about it.

You go to find out how to eat better, lose weight, acquire wealth, and the next thing you know… you now feel WORSE about yourself than you did before…

… BUT WITH NO NEW SOLUTIONS.

Because the underlying premise in each article or blog post you read is:

“Unless you do this, you suck as a human being”

Oh, but then you read something else, that says something different, yet the premise is still the same… if you don’t do it this way, you’re a poor example of a human being.

So here’s what ends up happening.

You start out looking for a way to look better, maybe improve your health, make more money, and all in all, just be more successful…

… then the next thing you know, you’re spending 4 hours a day online in “internet arguments” trying to prove you’re “right” about something, while your real world relationships crumble and you still don’t look any better.

Oh, and now you’re broke as shit because your life is now one big online argument.

Then one day, you wake up and ask yourself:

“How in the world did this happen?”

GOAL HIJACKING, my friend… goal hijacking.

Moral: Make sure your actions are based on YOUR GOALS and what YOU want. Anyone that’s trying to challenge your “manhood” is likely broke. Trust me on that.

• Find a greater fear: The best way to overcome people pleasing is to find the source of the problem and then counteract it with an opposite and stronger emotion.  What is people pleasing keeping you from doing or being?  Figure this out and then use that knowledge to empower yourself.
• Stop saying yes until you can accurately separate the real need from the non-essential: After years of putting our YES reaction on autopilot, we may find it hard to determine the validity of the incoming requests.  The only way I know to get over this is to practice saying No’s.  During this process, be sure to remind yourself that even those valid needs that you are turning down will be addressed by another.
• Let go of your need to control: Believe it or not, one of the strong characteristics of a people pleaser is the need to control EVERYTHING.  If anything, our pleasing ways are nothing more than a subtle manipulation to retain control of the situation.  We are trying to control what others think of us and how they act toward us.  This leads us to feel that we are also responsible for every need that comes our way.  It’s impossible that we should take on each request that comes our way.  Even those that are truly sincere and equally valid, are not necessarily the needs we are supposed to address.  Over time, as we begin to see clearly once again, we will be able to accurately address those needs that are specific to our nature.  The rest we will redirect elsewhere, confident that they were not meant for our attention.
• Get PROACTIVE: This is CRUCIAL!  As people pleasers, we are so overwhelmed as we take on every request of assistance that comes our way, that we have no time or energy to address the issues that WE see as fit for our attention.  Think about how CRAZY this is!  What we are essentially doing is assuming that everyone else’s idea of our time well spent is more accurate that our own.  We need to figure out for ourselves what needs we should be addressing and then go out and address them.  Stop waiting for the world to dictate your attention and start attending to the needs you were meant to address.

There’s nothing wrong with pleasing people, as long as you have control over why you are pleasing them.  Making sacrifices for the sake of another isn’t wrong.  But the fact is, people pleasing isn’t about pleasing others, but fending off our fear of rejection.  A lot of people pleasing is individuals who have a need to be accepted by the world around them.  It’s a need not just for general acceptance, but for acceptance from each person they come in contact with.  It can become a madness, seeking to please with abandon.

In the long run, you’re pleasing nobody.

The great failure of people pleasing is that these people rarely are assertive for themselves. They try to make everybody happy and end up absorbing the hurt of others. They then punish themselves over pleasing everybody and end up pleasing nobody.  Tired from the burnout that comes from the over extension of themselves and frustrated by the fact that they keep letting others take advantage of them, they quickly become ineffective in helping others and often times end up resenting everyone around them.   They also lose the ability to identify a real need from that of someone trying to take advantage of them.  As a result, they can become very hurt people, and very lonely.

Do you fear failure?

I tell you, the source of your frustration in life has been the result of people pleasing.  It’s one thing to fail because you make a mistake, but when you miss out on opportunity because you were too busy trying to make things right with the world, you find a frustration that is not easily matched.

It will take your zest for life.  You try to blend with every personality you come in contact with and, as a result, your own personality fades.  What makes you, YOU, is your own blend of Yes’s and No’s.  It’s your beliefs, values and preferences that gives you your life.  Lose this and you lose yourself.  Don’t forget what you’re all about.

Signs of a People Pleaser

• Someone who says yes, even when their mind says no.
• Someone who is devastated when they think someone doesn’t like them.
• Someone who would rather feel personal pain than displease another.
• Someone who cringes at the first sign of friction.
• Someone who is willing to fail in the name of pleasing another.
• Someone who has lost their own sense of unique personality and belief.
• Someone who is not willing to speak up for themselves.
• Someone who loses sleep over the slightest altercation with another.
• Someone who feels out of control when they think another human being may disagree with what they’re doing.
• Someone who starts to see their desire to please others as a separate part of themselves.  Separate from the rest of who they are as an individual.

That concept may sound weird until you consider the difference between “attraction” and “admiration” and why the latter is FAR SUPERIOR as both a goal and as a framework to work within.

People naturally admire success.  When you get your business right and start enjoying success, people watching from a distance will admire what you are doing.  If they make contact with you and your behaviour  interrupts this process, you can actually look like an inconsiderate and
egotistical jerk.

If you think that people are attracted to you it can cause you to “play up” to it.  It’s almost like you put on a show to win more of their attention.  This happens subconsciously.  We all have a need for acceptance from others, but if we allow this need to come across strongly it can make us look like a showoff or a try-hard.

When you are aware that people admire you, it seems to have more of a humbling effect.  Admiration tends to be accepted quietly and confidently.  This quiet acceptance builds a lot of trust in others and they start to see you as a leader.

Remember, think admiration FIRST…

Never let anyone talk to you about the sacrifices they make, even if they are real and justifiable… if any entrepreneur believes they are sacrificing anything on the way to the top, they won’t get there.

Having said that, there are sacrifices that can become too much for any person which will eventually lead them to question their direction in life.

Time In The Trenches

I’ve heard experts say it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. The time you devote to your business is something to love rather than be treated as a chore. 10,000 hours is obviously a huge commitment but certainly not impossible for a serious entrepreneur. No doubt there will be years of blood, sweat and tears and you will be challenged by partners, family and loved ones, but it will be done without regret and you will reap the rewards.

Family and Friends

Family and friends will be put on hold while career aspirations take priority. You may miss family milestones… 21st birthdays, weddings and even the birth of your own children. This is probably the biggest negative to a entrepreneurial life, but the positives still outweigh the negatives.

Where Have I Been?

You could put the “real world” on hold for up to 15 years in order to develop your business to those stratospheric levels that only a few achieve. You may get left behind in other professional areas and there are few favours handed out in business these days. You may become isolated from other colleagues and competitors and this may cause hard times if you decide to change careers at a later date.

Living In The Cocoon

A successful career can be lived in a total cocoon. Frequently, towards the end of a successful career, an entrepreneur can become more aware of the sacrifices they have made and may decide to retire from the fast life. Their children are grown up, business is a chore and their intensity starts to wane. Their priorities change and the younger crowd are eager to take their place.

If you have a sense of sacrifice in anything you do you are probably in the wrong game

If you have a sense of sacrifice in anything you do you are probably in the wrong game. Enjoy what you do and you have a greater chance of success. Life can be so easy to enjoy if you make the choice.

There are others that make the supreme sacrifice in their chosen professions. Defence Forces, Police, Fire and Rescue… a bad day in these professions may cost you your life. Have you ever heard these people complain about the sacrifices they make?

Do you have it?

Not many do and it’s becoming readily apparent to me that this is the area that most entreprenuers need to get a handle on.

I mean, if you don’t feel like you can trust yourself to make the right decisions, pay the bills, follow through on your goals then you’ll end up nowhere… and depressed in the process.

Seriously, I should know – I remember a time in my life where I wasn’t as confident and “balls to the wall” as I am now.

And it sucks.

But here’s the deal.

Once you start to get this handled, things change… and it only takes some small successes in life for you to begin to flip this particular switch.

This is why you keep things simple.

If you want to understand how to keep things simple check out my previous post. I recommended you to establish a system for developing unbreakable confidence and solid skills.

==> Read how to keep it simple…

Look, I wouldn’t tell you this stuff if I didn’t think it were important, but I know this:

Having the confidence and self trust in yourself to get things done just may be the MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY YOU CAN EVER HAVE in this modern age.

Unconsciously you can end up sabotaging your health, happiness and success unintentionally due to unresolved thinking, beliefs and attitudes. Yet even when we know a thought, belief or attitude is not serving us, most of us find it very difficult to change it or let it go. You have to wonder why it can be so hard to let go of an idea.

The reason for this problem is very simple: our emotions color, create, and lock these limitations in place, making the limitations supposedly “real.” It is our emotions that either put us into action or prevent us from acting. The Sedona Method will show you how to master your emotions, thereby mastering how you think and act. That is the short explanation of why this one technique can influence all of your diverse behaviours.

Free DVD and CD – find out how you can tap your natural ability to let go of any unwanted feeling on the spot.